TRUE FRIENDSHIP

Proverbs 18:24 "A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother." This is an amazing statement from a conservative, traditional culture (1000 years before Christ) that valued family above all other. A friend is closer than a sibling? Why? Families are committed to you, loyal and constant but they might not actually like you. Whereas friends choose you. Friends decide to be close to you. Friends are a wonderful gift and the bible highly values them. So the question is 'how do we make long lasting, deep friendships?'

Five thing involved in making deep friendships according to the book of Proverbs:

1) Complementary:
In our busy lives - friendship can be the thing that suffers and gets pushed out.  They take time, and only happen with a few people.  Yet if you just seek friendship you won’t get far.  You need to find people that are passionate about the same thing.  You’ll never get anywhere when someone presents you their passion and you say “I’m not interested in that, I just want to be your friend.”  There would be nothing for the friendship to be about.  Friendship happens when two people are absorbed in some common interest. It’s complementary.

2) Constancy
Proverbs 17:17 “A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.”  This means friends love at all kinds of time, in a multitude of different ways.  You can’t be a friend without availability.  It also means being there when the chips are down.  Most people want to be your acquaintance because they are useful to you. But you need someone who doesn’t use you as a means to an end rather an end in itself

3) Connection:
How connected are you with people’s emotions? Or are you insensitive? Not very good at reading how your friend is doing?  Putting your foot in it? Proverbs 25:20 “Like one who takes away a garment on a cold day, or like vinegar poured on soda, is one who sings songs to a heavy heart.”  What is a singing song to a heavy heart? It’s talking about a song of joy sang when someone is sad.  This is talking about Emotional disconnection.  True friends can’t go about their days as if nothing is happening because they are caught up in it with you.  This is why you can’t have too many close friends –no one has the capacity for it.

4) Candour:
Listen to 27:5 “Better is open rebuke than hidden love. 6 Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses.”  A “wound from a friend” or “friendly wound” (6) are words that a friend needs to hear that cause pain but are essential to your growth in God and in friendship.  These are painful words that must be said.  If you don’t say them – you’re not a friend

5) Counsel
This is the last building block to friendship.  Proverbs 27:9 “Perfume and incense bring joy to the heart, and the pleasantness of one’s friend springs from his earnest counsel.”
Wise counsel involves speaking from the heart into heart issues.

So, these are the ingredients to life long friendship. If you find someone who fits these criteria- you’ve got a friend.  But listen. If it was that simple –we would all have more friends. The problem is bigger than perhaps we realise! If you read this list of the ideal friend -someone who totally connects with you, that is always there, who is emotionally sensitive, speaks the truth in love, gives wise counsel, you’ll find two things happen.

i) First there is a feeling of longing because we live in a culture where friends are often taken away faster than we can forge them.
ii) The second response of reading this profile of a true friend isn’t just longing but it is also crushing!  Because if you dare let yourself admit it, we aren’t the friends we should be.  We don’t have great friends because WE are not great friends.  Why?  Because it’s hard. Almost impossible.

Where are we going to find the power to be the friends we need to be to get the friends we really need?
The answer is found on the Night before Christ dies when Jesus tells his disciples in John 15:13-15
“13 Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. 14 You are my friends if you do what I command. 15 I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.”

God made us for friendship with himself and others but we turned on him.  All of us have, no exceptions.  And what happens we people turn on us, we turn from them.  God has given us all a chance, but all of us refuse to be true friends.  So who breaks the deadlock?  Jesus does when He goes to the cross in our place and says “I’m the ultimate friend who will stick to you in your trouble, at ultimate cost to myself.” “I’ll be closer than a brother.”  “I’ll be the friend who loves at all times, and the brother that is born for adversity.”

If we know Jesus never lets us down, we can trust others and not be afraid of being let down. As He lets us in at great cost to himself we can let others in from a place of security and strength.  If we trust in Christ, we get the friends we truly want because we are loved by the greatest friend of all.

Questions:

1) Talk about Friendship in our culture?  what does it look like? what do people value in Friendship?
2) look at the list of 5 qualities in friendship.  Do you agree with them? how do you rate yourself in them?
3) Do you agree with the premise that you will never be able to be a great friend without knowing The True Friend (Christ)
4) How does Christ’s death and ressurection help you in making good friendships?
5) Why not pray for each other.  Ask if anyone is feeling lonely?  Has anyone got friends that are a long way away that they are missing?
6) Is everyone accountable in your mission group?  This might be a place to start making deeper friendships?
7) How can you deepen your friendships with non Christians?
8) Is it right to have someone of the opposite sex as your ‘best friend?’  Give your reasons and can you think of anywhere in the bible to support your view?
9) Is it okay to share things with your close friends that you don’t share with your spouse?