THE USE AND ABUSE OF THE GIFT OF SEX
Sex could be likened to a precious gift that can and should only be opened in marriage. Sadly our society rarely honors this gift and it has massive consequences for us. is there any hope for those who feel they have abused the gift of sex?
Main Reading: Luke 7:36-50
Structure:
1) The Gift of Sex
2) Why do we misuse the gift?
3) How do we recover the gift?
1) The Gift of sex
According to Genesis 2, God creates mankind and encourages them to marry and glorify Him through marital sex. Sex, God’s way, is good.
Genesis 2 also says when we have sex, we join not just physically but mentally and spiritually. Remember Genesis described having sex as two people ‘becoming one flesh’. So a husband and wife are united not just in their bodily dimension, but in every dimension. Incredibly special.
Sadly, The unamed women in this parable represents our culture - sexually permissive and sexually broken. And if we have multiple partners, our capacity to be intimate diminishes and people are left hurt and full of regret.
2) Why do we abuse the gift?
i) We Use sex to find meaning and intimacy.
Someone once said ‘the man who rings the bell at the brothel is unconsciously searching for God.’
There is a deep connection between God and sex. We substitute one for the other. But sex is not designed for this. Sex is meant to be a pointer to God not a substitute for him. Sex is the round peg for the square hole in our hearts.
ii) We’ve made a good thing an ultimate thing
God intended sex to give us pleasure and joy but we want it so much that we go outside His boundaries to get it. A good thing becomes an ultimate thing.
In CS Lewis’ ‘the Screwtape Letters ’ which is a letter between two devils, the devil Screwtape tries to explain to his nephew Wormwood what he finds most appalling about God is that God is really out to make people happy. ‘He is a hedonist at heart’, sniffs Screwtape. “He makes no secret of it, ‘at his right hand are pleasures evermore.’”
The devils grand strategy against pleasure is to twist it, distort it and get us to misuse it. Screwtape adds, ‘all we can do is encourage the humans to take pleasures which our enemy has produced, at times, or in ways, or in degrees which he has forbidden. An ever increasing craving for an ever diminishing pleasure is the formula’
3) How do we recover the gift?
i) Know the Giver not just the gift
The unamed women lavishes her love on Jesus, breaking all sorts of cultural taboo’s in the process. The point is this. How do you break the power of being hooked, fascinated, addicted to sex? Find something you can love more. For those struggling with making sex an ultimate thing. Loving God, the giver, puts the gift in it’s place.
There artwo ways of trying to change. First convince yourself something is wrong – sleeping with someone, pornography, seeking identity - then do everything in your power to change, rules, pledges, accountability etc. Or – find something more worthy of your affection and simply exchange your passions. The first will never work because it doesn’t deal with the root of the issue – our passion. If you still love it – it won’t ever change.
The unnamed women finds in Christ, someone to really love. Someone worthy of her love. Something better to love. Perhaps you need to as well?
ii) Know Forgiveness
The reason she gets a fresh start, a second chance, is that she has come to someone who can forgive her completely. Jesus died for those that feel they have abused God’s gift of sex.
Questions:
1) Talk about the story from Luke 7 and imagine how the main characters felt?
2) Which character do you feel the most sympathy with and why?
3) Can you split down into smaller groups and talk about how this teaching affects you personally?
4) Who hasn’t found an accountability partner yet? Can your group work together at helping people find someone to meet with for accountability?
5) What are good strategies for changing and what are bad strategies? How does this story help us with this?
6) if possible talk openly about where you feel you may be abusing or misusing the gift of sex
7) Pray for each other and give wise counsel!
RESOURCES
• Joshua Harris – Sex is not the problem (lust is)
• Tim Chester – Captured by a better vision (living porn free)
• Tim Keller - Counterfeit Gods (when the empty promise of money, love and power let you down)
• Winston Smith - It’s all about me (the problem with masturbation) - a small but brilliant booklet
• Tim Challis – Sexual Detox (a guide for the single/married guy) - free to download from http://www.challies.com/writings/books-e-books
• John White – Eros redeemed
• RT Kendall – Total Forgiveness & Totally forgiving ourselves
• Mark Driscoll – Death by Love (letters from the cross)
• Peter Lewis - Sermon on Lust - download from http://www.cornerstoneuk.org.uk/resource/audioseries.php?filter=Seven%20Deadly%20Sins
Comments
Matt Hatch
Hi Jane
Thanks for your comment on the blog. You are right, Homosexuality is a hugely relevent topic that needs to be addressed. However, iIm not sure if we’ll have time to do it justice in this series. We are still nailing down some of the topics in response to people’s questions so we will certainly be flexible and try to talk about this if we can.
thanks,
matt
Jane
Hi Matt,
missed your preach on Sunday, but was just keen on asking, is there going to be anyone doing any teaching on homosexuality during this 9 week series? Just feel like it’s such a massively relevant topic that comes under this umbrella on sex, but is rarely addressed in church. It would be good to get some teaching on our position on homosexuality, and how we love and associate with gay/lesbian people. I’ve had a couple of friendships with openly gay guys which have ended in a lot of hurt as they cannot accept that I don’t endorse their lifestyle (although I love them), as they feel they have no choice about the way they are oriented, and so should be able to exercise their sexual rights as everyone else is able to do.
Also, more and more, it is a huge point of tension in community where so many people in all walks of life seem to be encouraging homosexuals to embrace their orientation and be proud of it—so where do we stand, and how can we reach out to gay people and still be firm on our position? It feels like “hate the sin, love the sinner” seems to hit a brick wall when there are such contrasting views on a homosexual lifestyle. As you said, our sexuality is an intimate, powerful force in our lives, and to anyone, it is important that this is acknowledged. So what do we do when we don’t agree with it? Sure, superficial friendship is still easy, but what about when you’re getting to know them on a deeper level? Often, before I’ve even had a chance to share my views on homosexuality (which I’m not necessarily interested in stuffing down their throats), they find out I’m a Christian and all their bottled up resentment and anger comes boiling to the surface and they’re out the door!
In my view, sharing God’s love and mission outreach among the homosexual community is NOT going well. Any input?