FATHERS & MOTHERS AND SONS & DAUGHTERS

This series has been focussed on understanding what the bible says about Sex and Relationships. One area of our relationships that we don't spend much time talking about is our role as Sons and Daughters and how we relate to our parents. And also our role as Mothers and Fathers and how we relate to our kids. This practical preach deals with both.

1) Sons & Daughters:
Ephesians 6:1-3 “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honour your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise—“that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.”

Five times in the NT, Jesus tells us to honour our parents and Paul keeps up the theme by quoting from the 10 commandments “Honour your father and mother”.  Even though the text clearly states we should obey our parents (and we should obey ‘in the Lord’ - when it fits with the teaching of Jesus) it is based on the command to Honour.  The message from the Apostle Paul is to honour your parents.

i) What does it mean to Honour your parents?
Firstly note that this command is very wise as there are some situations the command to love (feel affection) would be impossible – for example, when parents are evil.
Similarly, some parents cannot be trusted becasue they are unstable or manipulative and controlling –to trust them would be stupid and wrong. Some parents can’t be imitated – might mean denying the truth Some can’t be admired– because their behaviour might not be worthy of praise.

Crucially, some parents shouldn’t be obeyed -the command is honour, then that should lead to obedience but obedience can’t be an absolute rule – especially if your parents have passed away, if they’re not Christians or if they are incapable of making good decisions.

ii) Define ‘honouring’ your parents?
Honour is a decision to treat your parents with dignity and courtesy and a decision to provide long term loyalty to their best interests. However, many of us fall far short of this.  For some it is because we feel apathy towards our parents. Or for some, we feel anger, hurt and even hatred towards them.  Either way, the command is to honour.

iii) Why should we honour our parents?
Eph 6:3 “that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.”
Paul is clear that this command comes with a promise attached to it.  Originally, the promise made to the people of God when the 10 commandments were first given was for that God would be with them and they would possess a land from which they would be a light to the nations.  However, we don’t honour parents to inherit land, we honour parents so that our community is blessed and experience peace, harmony, obedience, for it to go well, and for this to lead to longer life.  How exactly, we don’t know, but there is the promise.

iv) How do we honour our parents?
a) finding the culturally appropriate ways
b) Respect their need to see themselves in you.
c) Forgive them

2) Mother & fathers
Eph 6:4 “Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.”

Clearly the scriptures give both parents encouragement to be involved in the raising of children.  Take Proverbs 6:20 for example.  “My son, keep your father’s commands and do not forsake your mother’s teaching.” However, this passage suggests that men have a key role to play in taking responsibility for bring children up in the “the training and instruction of the Lord” In other words, men do not have the sole responsibility in the home but the leading one.  How?

Don’t provoke a child to anger.

This is huge for men becasue when you’ve got a man who’s got those frailties with parental authority, and then you’ve got a sinful subordinate underneath this sinful authority (Your child).
Well, when those two things collide, sinful authority and a sinful subordinate – BOOM!  And the illegitimate child that’s born out of that is anger.  In other words, Paul says “Fathers, be careful when you get disrespected, when there’s questions, when you’ve got a smart-mouthed kid, when you’re challenged, when you’re ignored, when your blatantly crossed, be careful not to provoke them to more anger.

This is so important because when anger is owning your soul, you cannot comprehend, you cannot understand grace, you cannot see tomorrow, you cannot think that this will pass. 
It deadens the soul.  So how do we change. Let me provide some ideas from which you can work out what works for you.

i) Turn the Volume down: Don’t shout or scream -you will miss the intimate moments where love is communicated.
ii) Take pre-emptive measures:  invest in your relationship with them

So the point of verse 4a is not that any time a child is angry a father has sinned. The point is to warn fathers that there is a huge temptation to say things and do things and neglect things that will cause legitimately avoidable anger in our children. Avoid the obvious things like yelling, unjust and excessive punishment, hypocrisy, verbal putdowns, and take preemptive measures.

BEWARE!
However, please do not take these things as a list to comply to for perfect fathering!  Look at how God the Father makes better parenting possible for us. God is first an example, but also he actually enables us to experience freedom from anger. Look at Ephesians 4:31-5:2. Here God, you could say, is speaking to his children: “31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. 32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other,” Now, so far, it is just a command: Don’t be angry; be forgiving. But commands are powerless in and of themselves. What comes next is powerful: “. . . as God in Christ forgave you.”  So here is our Father in heaven sending his own Son (“God in Christ forgave you”) to pay the price for our sinful anger. Our Father is not just provoking us to be angry, he is not just telling us not to be angry; rather, at great cost to himself, he is overcoming his anger and our anger in the death of Jesus.

Questions: (choose one’s that are applicable)
1) Describe your family, especially your parents, to your mission group.
2) How would you describe your relationship with them?
3) Are there unresolved issues between you and them? If so, is there anyone you could speak to in depth about this? Would you be happy to do that now?
4) What are the challenges you face in honouring your parents?
5) What changes could you make this Christmas to honour your parents? How can this mission group help/support you?

6) Do you agree that it is the Father’s responsibility to take a leading role on bringing up children?
7) What are your challenges as Fathers? How can your mission group help you?
8) What did you relate to in the preach regarding anger?
9) If you are a single parent, what are your challenges? how can your mission group support you?
10) if you are a mum, what struck you?
11) Expalin how Christ’s death and ressurection can free you from anger?
12) What is at the root of your anger?
13) What preemptive measures could you take as a parent to not prooke your child to anger?