Sex is not the problem (lust is)

We live in a sex-obsessed, sex saturated and sexually broken culture! It is therefore essential that as a church we are looking at what God says regarding sex and relationships.

(1) Christians should be the most positive when it comes to sex and relationships because we know the one that made sex and made it pleasurable and the one that made us for relationships and made them to be intimate. He is not a killjoy. He is very positive about sex and relationships - Genesis 1.27, Proverbs 5.15-19, Song of Songs 2.3-5 + Song of Song 6.13-7.9. As since he made sex and gave us relationships he knows how they work…so we had better listen to him. The issue is not sex, the issue is lust (that self-centred, self-satisfying, self-absorbed desire in each of us to make sure WE get intimacy and pleasure…no matter what the costs…including going against God’s law).

(2) We live in a world that is sexually broken. Sex and relationships are destroying us because they are so powerful (Song of Songs 8.6-7) and if not handled correctly have devasating effects. That is why God gave us the context and boundary of marriage for sexual relationships! Only within the context of marriage can sex really be as pleasurable and as intimate as God meant it to be. But we have become like addicts. We need more and more (sex and relationships) to meet out needs, but we are left thirsty and unsatisfied. The bible calls it slavery - Proverbs 5.22-23.

(3) We are enslaved because sex and relationships have become an idol to us. We are not free (as people claim), we are slaves to our desires and to peer-pressure. We’ve become so enslaved that we can’t say “no.”

This is how the bible portrays slavery

      A good thing (e.g sex and relationship with opposite sex)

Becomes

      An ultimate thing (i.e an idol - you must it to be happy/fulfilled etc)

Becomes

      A ruling thing (i.e slavery - it has started to dictate your life – decisions, emotions and actions)

Becomes

      A destructive thing (reap destructive fruit in your life)

          (Personal addiction, relationship breakdown, emptiness, loneliness,
          dissatisfaction, lies, jealousy, irrational emotions or thoughts,
          anger, abuse, affairs, cheating, deceit, exhaustion etc)

We want sex and relationships more than God (it is an idol), we are worshipping the creation instead of the creator - and it is destroying us. First it enslaves and eventually it crushes us.

There is only one thing you can worship and not be enslaved by…Jesus! True Freedom means you can sing in prison (Acts 16.25) and Forgive your murderers (Luke 23). It is not about externals, it is about internals. It is not about whether I am having sex or am in a relationships, it is whether my heart is free. That is what Jesus bought us on the cross - TRUE FREEDOM

True Freedom

(1) Offers you forgiveness (whiter than snow - Psalm 51)

(2) Offers you a greater joy (living water - John 4.13-14) - God himself satisfies our need for pleasure and intimacy in a way sex and relationships can’t. We are selling ourselves short.

(3) Offers you a new power (the Holy Spirit)

(4) Offers you a new community (the church) who will support and uphold you and help you live in freedom as you treasure Jesus above all else and say no to sin.

Sex is not the problem - LUST IS. And therefore the answer is not ‘law but gospel’ - not externals, but a heart change. To have the Holy Spirit transform us from the inside-out and make us adore Jesus above all other things. The Law adds burden as you struggle and guilt as you fail. The Gospel adds power as you struggle and forgiveness as you fail. The answer is to love God above all else, to worship him, to be ‘captured by a better vision.’

Sex and relationships do not ultimately satisfy when you get them and they enslave and crush you when you fail them (don’t get them). God competely satisfies you when you get him and forgives you when you fail him.

Questions and Application

(1) What are our culture’s views on sex and relationships? Why are they so important to us?

(2) What do our culture think God/the church says about sex?

(3) What does God actually think about sex and relationships - see bible verses above?

(4) How do good things enslave us and eventually crush us?

(5) How does worshipping God really set you free?

(6) What things do you know you need to work through over the next 9 weeks with your Mission Group and Accountability groups regarding
      (a) the past (and mistakes, guilt, regret, unforgiveness etc)
      (b) the present (power to live a God-honouring life)
      (c) the future (trusting in God and hoping in what he has for you)

RESOURCES

• Joshua Harris – Sex is not the problem (lust is)
• Tim Chester – Captured by a better vision (living porn free)
• Tim Keller - Counterfeit Gods (when the empty promise of money, love and power let you down)
• Winston Smith - It’s all about me (the problem with masturbation) - a small but brilliant booklet
• Tim Challis – Sexual Detox (a guide for the single/married guy) - free to download from http://www.challies.com/writings/books-e-books
• John White – Eros redeemed
• RT Kendall – Total Forgiveness & Totally forgiving ourselves
• Mark Driscoll – Death by Love (letters from the cross)
• Peter Lewis - Sermon on Lust - download from http://www.cornerstoneuk.org.uk/resource/audioseries.php?filter=Seven%20Deadly%20Sins