Pornography and Masturbation
This was potentially the most sensitive topic we have looked at so far, but as with every week we have to "bring it to the light" as a church if we are to really be set free.
1 Corinthians 6.12-20 gives us a brilliant outline of how Paul handled sexual immorality (to the whole church) in Corinth. The issues he was facing was someone sleeping with their mother in law (chapter 5) and a number of people having sex with prostitutes (chapter 6). He wants the whole church to know about the issues and work through them together. Why? Firstly because lots of people are struggling and committing sexual sin and secondly because as a church we are called to fight sin together and support/encourage/challenge one another.
Paul starts by quoting the Corinth slogan which could just easily be heard today “everything is permissible” but he counters it in 2 ways
12a - everything is permissible, but is beneficial? And we saw how porn and masturbation are not beneficial as they (a) wreck our view of sex (2) wreck our view of women (3) wreck women’s view of themselves (4) the porn industry abuses women (5) they wreck families (6) they waste time energy and money.
12b - everything is permissible, but does it lead to slavery? And the answer is yes which means you also end up (a) compromising on other areas of sin (b) weakening your relationship with God (c) pulling yourself out of service in the kingdom of God.
We must learn to hate the sin, not just the guilt and shame the sin brings on us. And although the bible never says “masturbation is morally wrong” it clearly is because (a) it is basically impossible not to have lustful thoughts (see Matthew 5.27ff), (b) it leaves you enslaved (and God made us to be free) and (c) it is self-serving (and we are called to give ourselves - porn and masturbation bypass intimacy, relationship and self-giving which were God’s intention for sex/orgasms - which is why marriage won’t solve the issues, you’ll just carry on with a self-centred view of sex!!!)
We all give excuses for sexual sin, here is what the people in Corinth said
13 - my body was built for sex just as my stomach is built for food
And Paul say, you need to have your mind renewing (“do you not know” - vs15,16,19) and he says - Your body is not your own, it belongs to Jesus, therefore glorify him with your body.” How does he build his argument
(1) It was created by God and is therefore a gift (vs13)
(2) It was redeemed by God so you are now free from condemnation and holy in his sight PLUS sin and satan do not have the final hold on you (vs19-20)
(3) It is indwelt by God and therefore we are one with him so our sexual sin implicates Jesus - what we do affects him because he lives in us (15&19)
(4) One day God will finally perfect your body and free you completely from sin and slavery (vs14)
We noticed that we can make three mistakes regarding the Grace of God
(1) I am not good enough - “you should see what I have done….God would never accept me, I am not valuable to him….I couldn’t be anymore. If we say this we are in effect saying to Jesus “your sacrifice wasn’t enough to pay for my sin” and we are also neglecting the fact that we MUST be valuable to God since he had nails driven through his hands for us (that is how valuable we are to him). We are valuable and we are worth keeping pure.
(2) Cheap Grace - thanks for dying Jesus, I know you forgive me and your grace is sufficient….so I’ll do what I want and I know you’ll forgive me. In effect we are throwing the cross back in his face and saying “it wasn’t motivating and powerful enough to melt my heart and win me to your purpose.” We treat his grace cheaply. We make his sacrifice so cheap.
(3) Self-atonement. Through guilt (which is a form of punishment - hang head low for a week) and good works (a form of payback) we atone for our sins. In effect we are saying to Jesus “your sacrifice wasn’t sufficient, I need to add to it.” Arguably this offends God the most as we are saying “the price you paid wasn’t enough.”
True Grace means we see the offense of our sin (and hate it and fight it), we see how much God loves us (and know our acceptance and value) and we “repent, rejoice, recommit and rest” after failing (rather than self-atonement).
What’s Paul’s Application?
vs18 - fee from sexual immorality (which is better translated “make it your habit to flee”) - Like Joseph in Genesis 39.11-12
vs20 - therefore honour/glorify God with your body
FLEE and GLORIFY!!!
What does Paul teach us about beating sexual sin?
(1) Never doubts they are Christians (1.2 – “sanctified”)
—- Appeals to “who they are in Christ” as motive to godliness
(2) Appeals to the mind “do you not know” (vs 15, 16, 19)
—- Behind every sin is a lie
(3) Persuades them that there is “more in God”
—- fullness of life, satisfaction, intimacy, power, pleasure…
(4) There’s plenty of Grace…but it’s not cheap
—- sin still stinks…but don’t “pay God back”
(5) Accountability/Community is assumed
—- You will never be free of sexual sin until it is confessed, it will always have a hold on you
(6) Action is required within the context of 1-5.
—- we have to get 1-5 straight if our “fleeing” is to be effective. We often get this the wrong way round.
BIBLE VERSES TO MEMORISE/KNOW
- 1Corinthians 10.12-13
- 2 Peter 1.3-4
- Hebrews 11.24-26
Practically in the moment (with the magazine, computer, TV, shower, boredom, tiredness etc) what do you do?
(1) Remind yourself of Truth (out loud) – God is more satisfying, sin really does offend God, there is power for me, I can beat this, there is a way out (1 Corinthians 10.12-13) etc..
(2) Remind yourself of who you are (out loud)
- I am not helpless, I am filled with the Holy Spirit
- I have eternal pleasures in Christ…let me pursue them NOW
(3) Pray (out loud) – on your knees, using Psalm 25, 32, 51
(4) Phone/text someone
(5) RUN….literally out of the house/shower/bedroom
(6) If you fail - Repent (Ps51 + 32)…Rejoice…Recommit (including tell someone)….Rest
Questions for Application and discussion (some for whole group, some for same sex groups)
(1) Are pornography and masturbation an issue for you?
—If so, how regularly and in what way?
—If not, has it been in the past?
(2) If you are a female doing this do you think they are seen as “male issues”
—How do you find that?
—Do you struggle with it? If so in what ways?
(3) How does Paul respond to the Corinthian slogan? What would be an equivalent response today (i.e how do they not benefit us and bring slavery?)
(4) What excuses do they give and why? What excuses do we often given (regarding this area, but also all areas, of sexual immorality)
(5) What does Paul say about your body? Does that motivate you to godliness? Does it encourage you and give you hope for godliness?
(6) How do we misunderstand (and therefore misapply) Grace? Give practical examples in general life and in this area.
(7) How does the price Jesus paid work? See Colossians 1.21-22 and Ephesians 5.25-26? How does that make you feel?
(8) Do we find that we often hate the guilt and shame but not the sin? What does that result in?
(9) What does it mean “to flee” for you? Be very practical
(10) How does the summary of Paul’s teaching help you? What area do you neglect? Do you practice number 6 first? Have you got DECENT accountability in place - if not who could hold you accountable?
(11) How do the three bible verses help you? Could memorise them?
(12) Do you think the “in the moment” tips help you? What could you do “in the moment” that you don’t current do.
(13) How do you make sure you don’t self-atone?
• Joshua Harris – Sex is not the problem (lust is)
• Tim Chester – Captured by a better vision (living porn free)
• Tim Keller - Counterfeit Gods (when the empty promise of money, love and power let you down)
• Winston Smith - It’s all about me (the problem with masturbation) - a small but brilliant booklet
• Tim Challis – Sexual Detox (a guide for the single/married guy) - free to download from http://www.challies.com/writings/books-e-books
• John White – Eros redeemed
• RT Kendall – Total Forgiveness & Totally forgiving ourselves
• Mark Driscoll – Death by Love (letters from the cross)
• Linda Marshall – Pure (Sex and relationships God’s way)
• Shannon Ethridge – The Sexually confident wife
• Peter Lewis - Sermon on Lust - download from http://www.cornerstoneuk.org.uk/resource/audioseries.php?filter=Seven%20Deadly%20Sins
• Carolyn McCulley - Trusting God with a Hope Deferred - Did I Kiss Marriage Goodbye?: Trusting God with a Hope Deferred
• David Powlinson - Breaking Pornography Addiction - http://www.ccef.org/breaking-pornography-addiction-part-1
Comments
Steve Vaughan
Hey Matt,
Really great questions and something I have encountered on quite a few occasions.
First thing to do is pray as it is the role of the Holy Spirit to bring conviction (John 16.5-10).
Secondly, you want to always strike that hard balance of accepting the person without condoning the sin. Again, this requires prayer and sensitivity. Jesus models it brilliantly in the story of the women caught in adultery in John 8 - she accepts her and asks “who can throw the first stone” (i.e no one can judge her) but he ends by saying “go leave your life of sin. He accepts here without condoning the sin. Grace that transforms her etc.
Thirdly, the issue of “hating the sin” is really important. So you need to show them how it is damaging their relationship with God-Others-Themselves (e.g masturbation ends with slavery not freedom, women as objects not children of God and self-serving and not self-giving - all 3 relationships are ruined). So talking them through not just what the bible says on the issue but WHY the bible says it, why it is wrong/damaging/enslaving/destructive etc
Fourthly, you could take them through the 3 mistakes that we often make and ask them what mistake they think they make (and you could be honest about where you fail to accept grace etc).
Finally - get them to explain grace, and use bible stories to show it - John 8 and women caught in adultery, Luke 15 and prodigal sons and Luke 7 and sinful women.
BTW - a very short and brilliant book on grace is by Tim Keller called “Prodigal God” which looks at how BOTH Son’s needed Grace but only one of them accepted it. The younger brother realised his sin and accepted Grace. The Elder brother didn’t see sin and therefore didn’t get grace. WE ARE ALL elders brothers! Be worth buying and reading together
Matt Jones
Woah, I wasn’t expecting a mini essay as the answer but thanks!
I often forget about asking people to exaplain their understanding of a topic/idea. This would certainly show up any areas of mis-undertanding that could lead to frustration/lack of motivation or apathy on their part.
It’s always a great encouragment to know that it is not our responsibility to bring conviction but that of the Spirit of Truth!
Thanks again Steve
Matt Jones
Absolutely brilliant preach on sunday Steve. Really valuable, and this is a great article. Thanks so much for all the research you’ve been doing to gather together books/websites and other materials around this topic.
In an accountability/discipleship group situation, if someone doesn’t see their actions as sinful/don’t see what they are doing as “wrong” or don’t regret what they do, how then can the “three mistakes regarding the Grace of God” points even make a difference.
How would you go about altering their mindset to to even get them to a place where they actually think they need Grace? Perhaps this isn’t something we should be doing but allowing the Holy Spirit to do. I’m just thinking out loud.
Thanks again,
M